Awkward Assumptions
by AlbertaGirl78
Summary: One geeky video game developer, one shy graphics designer, a pampered pooch, and a whole lot of pink make for loads of way off base assumptions and somewhere in the middle of it all, Edward and Bella may just find their forever. Strap in and hold on for the ups and downs and round and rounds that always occur when you make Awkward Assumptions!
1. Chapter 1

*****STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS TWILIGHT*****

**A/N: Here we go again with our new collaboration. This one won't be as long as **_**I Always Do**_** and **_**Weight For Me**_**, but we hope you will enjoy it just as much. A special shout out to DataByteDL-FangirlinGranma; she is the one who planted this bunny in our heads with her angel dog/devil dog story, we just gave it our own twist and this is what came from it! Thank you Dee! Special thanks to our amazing banner maker, Marie Carro. She's simply the best! Without further adieu, we proudly present Cluelessward and Shyella.**

EPOV

"Come on Edward. PLEASE? I don't have anywhere else to store this. It's only three months." My little sister was really laying it on thick. She was going to France for three months for some kind of fashion internship and was currently begging me to store her stuff at my new townhouse. Her stuff included a 2014 Pepto Bismol pink convertible Volkswagen Beetle. The fucking license plate said PRINCESS. No. Just No.

"Alice, I cannot have that monstrosity you call a vehicle sitting in front of my townhouse."

"Edward, you're my favorite brother. That townhouse is huge. You won't even know my stuff is there." Ugh. She wasn't going to give up until I said yes. Damn she was spoiled rotten. I blame that on my father. He has always given Alice anything and everything. Dammit.

"I already regret this. Fine. I'll keep your stuff for you, but the second you get home from France you are coming to get it." She squealed in a very Alice way and lunged at me.

Two weeks later I was watching the movers load my life's possessions onto the truck to be taken over to my new home. After they left and I was about to head over in my car, the damn thing wouldn't start. Dad came out when I was looking under the hood to see what the problem was.

"I don't know Dad, the damn thing won't start. I so don't need this today."

"Son, it's not the end of the world. Just drive Alice's car."

"Dad. Have you SEEN Alice's car?"

"Of course Edward. I bought it."

"There is no way in hell I am going to drive that pink nightmare. Can't I drive the Mercedes?" I wasn't above begging, and I may have whined like a petulant child. But seriously, it was PINK. Really pink.

"No, your mother is going to be driving the Mercedes while I take her SUV to the medical conference. I need a larger vehicle because a couple of the other doctors are riding with me."

"Why can't Mom take Alice's car?" I was not driving that car.

"Your mother has several appointments lined up and she needs the trunk space on the Mercedes. Geez Edward, don't tell me you aren't secure enough in your masculinity to drive a pink car." Have I mentioned that I hate my father? And I'm still not driving that car.

When I arrived at my new home via Pink Hell, I was just about to get out when I saw her. She was walking up to the townhomes with a tall blonde and when she looked back to say something I nearly lost my breath. I think living here might be better than I ever dreamed.

Quickly gathering my bags I walked up to my townhome and noticed that I was right next door to a computer nerd's wet dream. Triple points! I wonder if she is nerd-friendly? I would most certainly let HER use MY sonic-screwdriver.

I chuckled at my own silliness as I entered my townhome and began to unpack my computer equipment while I waited for the moving truck to get unloaded all the way. Several hours later I had a home full of boxes and I was starving. I was just about to grab the keys to Pink Hell when I heard a knock on the door.

When I opened the door, I was greeted by my mother and father and Cupcake. Yeah. Fucking Cupcake. When I agreed to keep Alice's stuff at my place, that STUFF also included her six month old, AKC registered Miniature Doberman Pinscher named Strawberry Cupcake Cullen. I wish I was kidding. Cupcake was Alice's fur baby and another gift from our father. The damn dog was spoiled rotten. Alice always had her dressed in some kind of frilly pink shit with bows in her hair and everything. Poor dog.

"Hey Mom, Dad. What are you doing here?" I tried to play dumb.

"Well Edward, you said you'd be back by to pick up Cupcake later today. It's later." My mom said as she handed me the dog.

"I was just on my way out to grab something to eat. Can't I pick her up tomorrow?"

"No son, your mother and I have plans for the night. I'm leaving in the morning for a couple weeks. We're going out to dinner." The wiggle of his eyebrows told me I didn't want to know anything further.

"Ugh, fine. I'll just eat some toast."

"Remember dear, Alice has trained Cupcake using very special methods. If you want her to go potty or poo poo outside, you MUST talk to her like a baby. Isn't that right Nana's little girl? Hers a good baby girl. Yes her is." Was she serious with this shit? There was no way in hell that I was talking to this fucking dog in baby talk. I'm a twenty five year old man. I will not do it. If the dog doesn't shit or piss, oh fucking well.

Fuck my life. It is three in the goddamned morning and here I am, outside my townhouse, holding a hot pink leash attached to the world's most pampered pooch. The little bitch won't piss and I have already cleaned up shit twice and tried to dry up six different piss stains. I am not going to talk to the dog as if she were a real baby. No fucking way.

"Come on dog. Piss already. Some of us have to go to work in the morning." I realized I was speaking a little louder than I should have been for the insane hour when I saw the blinds in the window where Computer Nerd's Wet Dream lived open a bit and close quickly. Great. Surely she'll think I'm a pervert standing outside her window at this hour. Fuck this. Maybe I could try the baby talk. Dear God please don't let anyone hear me.

"Cupcake, come on Sweetie. You need to pee pee for Uncky Edward. Come on baby girl. Gimme some pee pee." Ugh. I was going to have to turn in my man card. "Be a good girl for me and poo poo too honeybunnybear." I nearly screamed out loud when the little shit squatted in the grass and pissed a river. She walked around a couple steps and looked up at me. "You got some more Cutsie Ootsie? Come on baby." She took a few more steps and dropped a turd the size of Canada. Well fuck me. It works.

Once Cupcake and I settled into our routine I actually started to like the little shit. She was so sweet and hardly ever barked. I hated to admit it, but Alice had really trained her well. It had been about a week since I moved in and my fucking car still wasn't fixed. I had been driving back and forth to my job at S.A.L. Productions all week. The guys in my department had been giving me pure shit for driving a pink car with a PRINCESS license plate. Yeah, well fuck them. They were just jealous because I had a better position in the company than they did. I was the Senior Developer in the Action Gaming Department. Basically, I designed and developed the war type games; blood, guts, killing, all that good shit. My job rocked.

Friday afternoon I was parking Pink Hell when I noticed CNWD laying out by the pool. Holy shit, she was wearing a string bikini and looked as good as Captain Price when he killed Makarov in MWIII. I tried to calm my traitorous body before I got out of the car. The last thing I needed was for her to see me sporting a huge boner.

Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my messenger bag and got out. Holy fuck. Is she coming toward me? Fuck me upside down. That bikini barely covers her hoo-hah. Do not look at her hoo-hah. Aww dammit. I looked at her hoo-hah. I bet it's bare. And smooth. And when she gets wet, I bet…

"Hi, um…you live next door to me right?" She was standing in front of me and her mouth was moving. Mmm, I bet it would look amazing moving around my cock. Wait. Why does she look pissed? _Because idiot, you haven't done anything but stare at her._

"Oh, sure. I mean yes. Shit. Excuse my lack of the ability to speak English. I'm Edward. Cullen. Edward Cullen. That's me. Nice to meet you." I held out my hand like the dork I am. She blushed a soft shade of red and held out her tiny hand.

"Hi Edward. I'm Bella Swan. Um, listen, I don't mean to sound like a bitchy neighbor, but I work from home and your dog barks constantly, all day long. It's been difficult to get any work done."

"Really? She barks? Seriously? She's so quiet all the time. I was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with her."

"Yeah, like all the time. Non-stop. I normally wouldn't say anything but I really have a lot of work due in the next couple weeks and I need to concentrate. I'm sorry. God, I sound like such a bitch."

"Bella, don't worry about it. I'll do what I can. Cupcake won't be a problem for you any longer. I promise."

"Cupcake? Her name is Cupcake?" Before I could reply to her question, my eyes were drawn to her bikini top. It had fallen a bit and peeking out of the very top was her very pink, very erect little nipple. I felt my slacks tighten immediately and I needed to get the hell away from Bella Swan before I grabbed her and fucked her. Hard. Like my dick. In my pants. Right now.

"Uh huh. Yeah. I gotta go. Bye Bella." I took off like my ass was on fire. As soon as I was safely inside, I stripped off my clothes and headed for the shower where I found myself stroking my steel cock to visions of a pink nipple inside a white bikini top.

I avoided Bella for the next couple of weeks. I hoped she hadn't noticed my boner from hell or that I had been mesmerized by her beautiful nipple. That fucking nipple managed to haunt my dreams nightly. My cock was getting a tremendous workout lately.

Today was Saturday and I was going to relax by the pool after I did some pruning to the fucking roses my mother planted when I moved in. She threatened me with my life and said if they didn't look just as beautiful each time she came over as they had when she planted them I would be in big trouble. Esme Cullen was not one to be messed with. I shuddered just thinking about it. I took Cupcake outside to piss first and once she was done, I put her in her kennel so I could work outside for a bit. I couldn't find my Mariner's hat and I was not going to work in the sun without something on my head. It was too fucking hot. Glancing around, I noticed a straw type hat in the corner where Alice's boxes were stored. Not caring what it looked like, I grabbed it and threw it on my head as I walked outside. My mom had accidentally taken my black gloves with her when she left last time and left her very pink, very flowery ones here. I figured what the hell. I was already driving a pink car, why not do the gardening with pink gloves. My family hated me. I was certain of it.

As I was bending over and digging in the dirt, I felt a pair of large hands grab my hips and pull me back against a hard body. Fucking Emmett.

"Edwina! How's it hangin'?" I spun around so fast that a very unmanly squeal lurched from my chest at the same exact time I saw Bella's window blinds open.

"Fuck you man! Don't ever do that to me again. Like I fucking want your dick anywhere near me." I tried to punch him in the chest, but he moved quickly so I ended up stumbling into his chest. He caught me and we ended up in an embrace.

"What the fuck are you wearing Edward?" He whipped off the hat I was wearing and that's when I noticed the hot pink flower on the side. Fuck. I hadn't seen that before.

"It was hot and I couldn't find my Mariner's hat." I shrugged.

"Dude. You have to know how this looks. You are driving THAT car, wearing THIS hat, and THOSE gloves. You look sweet Edward. You look like you have a little sugar in your tank."

"Shut the fuck up dude. Come on. I could use a damn beer." He followed me inside, laughing like an idiot all the way.

We shared a couple beers and as we were about to open up our third, when my phone rang. Alice.

"Hey Pix. What's up? How's Paris?"

"Oh Edward, I love it. How is Cupcake? Does she miss her Mommy?"

"She's fine Alice. Your stuff is fine, your dog is fine, and your Pepto Bismol Pink piece of shit car is fine." I was feeling a bit buzzed.

"Edward, my car is Cotton Candy Pink. And it's not a piece of shit. It's a fine piece of German machinery."

"Did you want something Alice? Emmett and I are getting drunk."

"I just wanted to check in and see how things were. Geez, I'll let you go, Grumpy." Before I could reply, she hung up. Yeah, I was rude but fuck her. At this point, I didn't care. I just wanted another beer. And to get laid. By Bella Swan. Repeatedly.

Em stayed for the next few hours while I continued to drink myself into a stupor. He stopped after three because he had an early practice tomorrow morning. My brother was a Seattle Mariner. He was awesome too. Except when he tried to ass bump me while I wore a floppy hat with a hot pink flower on it and pink gardening gloves. Fuck. Thank God CNWD didn't see that. At least, I don't think she did.

"Yo Princess Edwina, I'm outta here man. Take care yo."

"Peace my brutha from the same mutha." I raised my hand to fist bump him but missed and inadvertently junk punched him. I couldn't hold in the snort of laughter that flew out of me just as he opened the door to leave. My eyes went wide when I noticed the tall blonde beauty that lived next door with CNWD standing at my front door.

"God dammit Edwina! You just had to get your hands on my junk? Shit! That's a tender place down there man. Fuck!" The giggle that came from behind him caused him to spin around all the while still cupping his dick in hand. "Ladies, hello. I'm Emmett Cullen." The dumb ass held out his hand and when Blondie took it, he pulled her roughly to him and planted a large kiss right on her fucking mouth. Bella stood there, eyes wide looking between them and me. Because I'm a total dork and completely drunk, I chose that precise moment to speak.

"Excuse him ladies. He's horny all the time. Nothing satisfies him. Nothing I can do about it." I shrugged.

You know the uncomfortable silence that usually follows a very inappropriate conversation? Some people liken it to hearing crickets in an open field. Yeah. That's what happened as soon as I spoke. Em and Blondie stopped kissing. Bella stared at me like I had three nipples, and even Cupcake, who had been sitting on my lap while I tried to tie one of Alice's stupid bows in her hair, got up and went to her kennel. Yeah. I felt like now was a good time to go throw up. So I did.

Over the next month, Emmett and Blondie, um, Rosalie, began seeing a lot of each other. Apparently when Em kissed her that first time, she fell in love. Because they were seeing each other, Bella and I got to spend a lot of time together as well. I absolutely loved being friends with Bella. She was fun and energetic and I loved her laugh. I was also totally, one hundred percent in love with her. The only problem was she didn't seem to want anything romantic with me. It was like we were best friends. She would ask my opinion on clothes, shoes, and girl stuff. I was fucking confused. Did I look like a girl? True, my car was beyond salvageable so I had ordered a new Volvo SUV. Some of the options I wanted were taking a bit to get installed so I was STILL driving Pink Hell. But things with Bella hadn't progressed how I wanted them to. Not even going to lie, it depressed the fuck out of me.

On the upside, we got a new neighbor. Jasper Whitlock had moved in on the other side of me. He was Probate Attorney that worked from home most days and he was totally cool. He played in a band called Southern Comfort on the weekends and had invited Em and I along with the girls to come watch the show tonight. He complained about Cupcake barking all day long, just like Bella did. I think they are both nuts because she barely barks, but whatever.

I had just stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist when I heard Bella come into my townhouse. She often came right in and I did the same to her.

"Edward? Where are you Hotcakes?" Dammit I loved it when she called me that. Grabbing another towel and running it through my hair, I stepped out of my bedroom. Bella was bending over the coffee table looking at something.

"Hey Sweetcheeks. I was in the shower." She turned around and gasped when she saw me, the air leaving her lungs in a whoosh. I know I saw her eye me up and down and I could have sworn I heard her mumble something sounding like 'what a fucking waste'. _The fuck?_

"Oh. Um…..yeah, I…um….I see that. Sorry. I really shouldn't just barge in here." I wondered why she was so nervous. Glancing behind her I noticed what she was looking at on the coffee table. Walking over very quickly, I grabbed up the laundry basket I had left sitting there. Somehow, one of Alice's fucking RED THONGS had ended up in my laundry and I washed it with all my WHITE socks and shirts. They were now pink.

"Let me put this shit away and get dressed. Make yourself at home." I slammed my bedroom door and tossed the pink laundry on my bed. Before I could even get dressed, I heard Bella at my door.

"Edward, I'm just gonna head back to my place and get dressed there. Come on over when you get ready. Maybe you can give me some ideas on what I should do with my hair." _Her hair? How the fuck would I know what she should do with her hair? I certainly know what I'D like to do with her hair. I'd wrap that shit around my wrist and tug on it while I pounded that sweet pussy from behind._

Somehow, I got the sickening feeling that I was missing something very important. What I did know though, was that Bella Swan wanted nothing romantic to do with me and THAT broke my heart.

**A/N: So…..I hope you got the giggles from this first chapter! I know I did while writing it! This Collaboration won't be nearly as long as our others. It will only be a few chapters, not exactly sure how many, but we hope you'll enjoy it! So….who thinks Edward is clueless? **snicker****


	2. Chapter 2

****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight… that is all*****

**A/N: So it seems that Edward is missing something….. Shall we find out what that is?**

I quickly let myself out of Edward's condo and leaned back against the door. I had to catch my breath and force myself not to burst into tears. Why would any higher power tease me with the most perfect man in the entire world and then make said man gay? I banged my head a little on the door and thought back over the last few months. The first moment I caught sight of Edward Cullen, he was climbing out of a pretty pink Volkswagen Beetle. I didn't get a good look at him that day, but what I did see was pretty mouthwatering. My roommate, Rose, and I laughed about the pretty boy in the pretty car for a few days after that sight.

Over the next several weeks, I didn't see him very often, but I sure a hell heard him and his yappy little dog. If I didn't think he was gay after seeing him in his pretty car, listening to him encourage his little dog to go 'poo poo', I would have been certain. When I told Rose about hearing that, she burst into laughter.

The first time I saw Edward up close was when I had finally had enough of listening to his rat dog bark, howl and whine all FUCKING day. The damn thing only shut up when her daddy was home! I was lounging by the pool when I saw him slip into his condo. I gave him a moment to put away his things and then I marched over to his door. As soon as he opened the door, I was met with the most amazing green eyes I had ever seen. I almost stuttered through what I needed to tell him. When he called his dog Cupcake, I was torn between laughing and crying. Laughing because of the frou frou name for the rat and crying because it only cemented the fact that this gorgeous man was indeed gay. When he stepped further back into his condo and almost slammed the door in my face, I wondered what his problem was, until I noticed that the top to my swimsuit had shifted, showing most of my boob, nipple and all. I probably caused him to need some brain bleach; no gay man wanted to see some girl's nipples.

Over the next couple of weeks, Edward seemed to avoid me. I was kind of disappointed, cause, even though he was gay, I would have loved to get to know the guy better. He was, after all, my neighbor. About two weeks after the nipple incident, Rose and I got a kick out of watching Edward prune the flowers in his garden. He was wearing a huge floppy straw hat with a huge pink flower on the back and pink flowery garden gloves. The man clearly loved the color pink. We sat there watching him for about 15 minutes when this huge muscled guy approached Edward from behind. Rose gasped out loud when she saw him; he was exactly her type. But she was quickly disappointed as we watched him grab Edward by the hips and pull him closer. Both of us looked at each other, mouths agape. Rose looked like she was ready to cry. When we looked back, the two men looked to be in a loving embrace. We left the window and fell onto the couch in silence.

"Bella, there is no way in hell that man is gay. Not looking like that. He would break that poor neighbor of ours in half."

"Who knows, maybe the big guy is the bottom?" I almost burst out laughing at the look on her face.

"Nope, no way in hell. I am so going to prove you wrong. I have to go to work for a few hours, but if he is still here when I get back, I am so going to prove to you that the big guy is not gay."

I scoffed, but just a few hours later she did prove me wrong. It turned out that the big guy was actually Edward's older brother and professional baseball player, Emmett Cullen. He introduced himself to us and when Rose held out her hand to shake his, he pulled her towards him and planted a huge kiss on her lips. After that first kiss they were inseparable, if he was in town, she was at his place. If he was at an away game, they were constantly in touch by text or email. I made the mistake of walking in on Rose when they were using Skype. That was a sight I would have loved to be able to un-see.

Thanks to Rose and Emmett's new relationship. I was tossed together with Edward a lot. Rose tried to tell me he wasn't gay, that she didn't get that vibe from him. I was unconvinced. But, it didn't stop me from being foolish and falling in love with him. I tried to push my feelings aside. If I couldn't have more than a friend, I would be happy with having him as my GBF over nothing at all. I treated him like I would treat my girlfriends, asking his opinion on clothes and hairstyles and even makeup. He always had such insightful answers. Having a sister in fashion design probably helped him. She probably taught him everything he knew. I hadn't met Alice yet; she was in Paris for a three-month internship. Apparently she was storing a bunch of stuff at Edward's. I wasn't sure what as he kept it all in the spare bedroom.

Which brought my thoughts full circle, seeing his pink undershirts in his laundry basket, then looking up to see him damp from his shower, wearing nothing but a towel. I had to get out of there before I really scared my beautiful gay neighbor. I yelled through his bedroom door that I was going to go get ready for the night out we had planned. We were going out with Em and Rose to see our new neighbor, Jasper perform with his band.

I finally made it into my own place and had a quick shower. By the time I was dressed, Edward was knocking on my door. He looked amazing in a dark green button down shirt and a pair of loose fit jeans that sat low on his hips. His glasses were perched on his nose and made his green eyes pop. I had to shake my head as I asked him inside.

"So how do you think I should do my hair? Up or down?" I asked as a way to distract myself from how good he looked.

"Uh, I think you look really good with it up. It shows off your neck and doesn't hide your face." He said as he looked at me with wide eyes. He looked a little flushed too.

"Are you okay?" I asked, pressing my hand against his cheek. God, his jaw felt so good underneath my fingers.

"Huh?" He asked, a little dazed.

"Edward, are you okay? If you aren't feeling well, we don't have to go."

He shook his head a little. "No, Bella. I'm fine. Sorry, just got a little lost in my thoughts there."

"Hmm, okay. So, how do I look?" I looked down at the top that Rose helped me pick out, it was tight and low cut and made my boobs look amazing. My jeans were a little tight, but Rose told me they made my ass look fantastic, so I wore them anyway.

Edward seemed to take a deep breath and audibly swallowed, as he looked me over. "You look fantastic Bella. Absolutely beautiful."

I felt myself blush. "Thanks, Hotcakes! You don't look half bad yourself."

He rubbed his hand over his chest and smiled almost shyly at me. I grinned back, went into my room and pulled my hair high on my head and twisted it into a knot.

When I came back out, Em and Rose had arrived and we headed out to the bar where Jasper was performing. It was pretty busy, but he had arranged for a table for us close to the stage and the dance floor. We settled into our seats and order a round of drinks. As usual, Rose and Emmett were totally engrossed in each other, leaving Edward and I to talk.

Half an hour after we got there, Rose and Em ditched us for the dance floor. Edward headed to the bar to get us another round, leaving me to sit at the table by myself for a few minutes. It wasn't even a minute before I was approached by some douche who thought he was all that, but he was really just a douche.

"Hey sweet thang, whatcha sittin' here by yourself for when you could be sittin' over there with me?" Doucheboy asked, a healthy slur to his voice.

"Well, maybe because I am here with my friends and not you."

"Aw, don't be that way. Name's Jake and you should come dance wit' me."

"That's okay. I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate me dancing with someone other than him."

Jake groped my arm in what I was sure he thought was a sexy way. "C'mon baby, he's not here."

"Oh but he is." I heard from behind me. I looked up to see Edward standing there. I smiled in relief, not only for him showing back up when he did, but also for allowing me to use him as my fake boyfriend. His fingers were white knuckling the beer he was holding. "Now, my girl told you she didn't want to dance. So I suggest you leave her alone."

Jake must have seen something in Edward's eyes, cause he just tossed his hands up in the air, got up and walked away without a word.

"Thank you." I said with a smile.

"You're welcome. He didn't hurt you, did he?" Edward asked with concern as he rubbed my arm where Jake had touched.

"No, I'm okay." Edward nodded his head and then took a long pull of his beer. I gulped a bit as I watched his Adam's apple bob. I would love to be the one to be able to run my tongue around that bump and then up around his neck; to be able to take his ear lobe between my teeth.

"Bella?" I shook my head as Edward's voice broke through my daydream.

I shook my head. "Uh yeah?"

"You're sure you okay? You look a bit flushed."

"Yeah, sorry. I'm fine. Say, do you want to dance? I don't want to give that Jake guy or any other guy a reason to come talk to me. I'm so not in the mood to be hit on tonight."

"Yeah, sure. Let's get up there."

Edward pulled me to the dance floor and pulled me close to him. I knew what he had going on underneath his shirt. He had an amazing body and at that moment it was pressed up against mine. I was instantly turned on. I couldn't help it. Not only did he look fantastic, he smelled so good. I just wanted to bury my face in his chest and take a deep huff.

Jasper's band had started playing something slow and sultry. The music combined with being in Edward's arms was making it really warm. The crowd around us had grown, so Edward pulled me closer in to him. I could feel his entire body against mine. One part in particular seemed to be growing. I was shocked, until we twirled around a bit and I saw Jasper on one knee on the stage. He was playing a particularly slow riff on the guitar, so his hand was moving slowly over the neck. Even I was a little turned on watching him, I could only imagine how Edward was feeling watching that. Jasper was a great looking guy, but, unfortunately for Edward, I knew for a fact that he was 100% straight. I had seen one or two girls leaving his condo after a night out. I loved watching people do the walk of shame.

I couldn't help myself, once I felt how hard Edward was. I just ground myself against him. I knew I was only setting myself up for heartache, but after a few beers, I was fearless. I was shocked when Edward groaned and pulled me closer. He was probably just happy for the friction. I gasped when I felt his hands slide down my back and land on my ass and then he buried his head into the crook of my neck. He planted a small kiss just above my collarbone causing me to gasp again. He must have heard my second gasp. He looked up at me wide eyed and pulled away. His hands leaving my body as he took a step back.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry." Before I could say a word, he flew off the dance floor and headed for the bathroom. Rose saw him running.

"What the hell was that all about? Did you bite him or something?" She asked.

"I don't know." I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes. "One second we're dancing, and it was getting pretty good. The next, he's pulling away and running away. I told you he was gay!"

"Who's gay?" Emmett asked as he approached.

"Uh, Your brother of course." I didn't let Emmett comment before I turned back to Rose and told her I was taking off.

"Okay. Text me as soon as you get home. I won't be back tonight."

"I will." I made my way back to the table, grabbed my purse and left. I caught a cab right outside and headed home. I cried myself to sleep. I don't even know what possessed me to fall in love with my gay friend.

Over the next few days I avoided Edward as much as I could. I needed to figure out a way to get over him. I spent the day trying to work, listening to Cupcake bark and howl as usual. I bumped into Jasper one afternoon and he complained about the dog. We couldn't figure out why the damn thing would act like that all day, but was fine when Edward was home. Such a clingy dog.

I had successfully avoided Edward for almost a week. But, on Friday afternoon, he came knocking on my door. I knew he saw me when I was getting home from a meeting, so I couldn't pretend like I wasn't there. So I took a deep breath and pulled the door open.

"Oh, Bella! Thank God you're home. Do you have about an hour to help me out with something?"

"Um, sure?"

"Good, great! Let's go!"

We climbed into his car and took off.

"Um, so where are we going?"

"I need to get to the Volvo dealership before they close. My SUV is finally ready for pick up. Emmett was supposed to take me down there, but his flight out of L.A. was delayed. So you can drive Pink Hell home for me, and I'll bring the Volvo home."

"Pink hell? SUV? Um, why are you getting a new car? Isn't the Beetle brand new?" 

He laughed. "I think so, but it's Alice's car. I thought you knew that?"

I was shocked. "No, I didn't."

He laughed again. "Yeah. I've only been driving it cause my car died a few months ago. I ordered the Volvo 8 weeks ago, but it kept getting delayed. Alice is due home next week and my new car is ready just in time. She can take her pink hell of a car and her spoiled rotten dog back the second she lands."

Before I could comment on that, we pulled into the dealership. We climbed out of the car and met at the front. Edward looked down at me and smiled, then his eyes got really wide.

"Uh, Bella? What are you wearing?" 

I looked down and blushed furiously. "Oh. My. God." I was planning on going for a swim and had changed into my swimsuit and had only had a chance to throw on a long tank over my suit before Edward knocked on my door.

"Bella, get in the car before someone else sees you dressed like that. The sales guy is already leering over here." Edward said through clenched teeth. I just nodded dumbly, grabbed the keys from him and climbed into the drivers seat. Before I closed the door, Edward stopped it from closing and leaned in towards me. He smiled softly.

"I won't be long here. Just need to sign some paper work and get the keys. I should only be about 10 minutes behind you." I nodded again and he closed the door for me.

When I got back to my place, I noticed that he left his cell phone in the cup holder of the car, so I grabbed it and watched for him out my front window. He pulled up 15 minutes later in a gorgeous black SUV. I was almost expecting a feminine color, but my thoughts on that matter were wavering. I expected him to come right over to my place, but he ran into his condo like his ass was on fire. I waited a few minutes, but he still hadn't reappeared. So I made my way over and knocked on his door. He didn't answer, so I tried the door. It was unlocked. He wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. I walked towards his bedroom and stopped dead in the doorway. My mouth fell open.

He was lying on his bed with his eyes squeezed shut, a bottle of my lotion sitting on the bed beside him. His pants were around his ankles and his hand was fisting his bigger than I expected cock. I startled a bit when he started talking.

"Fuck, Bella. You have no clue what you fucking do to me. Those tiny bikinis. Those perky nipples. God, I wish I could suck those pretty pink nipples into my mouth. Do you want me to suck those pretty pink nipples?"

I wanted to respond, but nothing came out of my mouth. So I just nodded. But then I noticed that his eyes were still closed. He hadn't even seen me standing there.

"What I wouldn't give to bend you over and push my cock into your pussy. I bet it's just as pink as your nipples."

I shook my head when it all came crashing into my mind that it was quite obvious that Edward was NOT gay. The thought that maybe I actually did have a chance with him made me bold and a bit courageous.

"Fuck." He hissed again.

I cleared my throat and he froze. His eyes opened and immediately landed on me, fear and a bit of lust shining from his beautiful green eyes.

"Bella?" He asked with a hoarse voice.

I took a tentative step toward him. "Um, do you need some help with that?"

**A/N: Uh, yeah. Safe to say the boy is NOT gay. *****Snicker***


	3. Chapter 3

*****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight*****

**A/N: So excited that you all like this story! We were hoping for hilarity! So let's see what happens now….do you think Edward would like some help with his…uh…problem?**

EPOV

"Um, do you need some help with that?" I couldn't help but stare at her, my engorged cock still in my hand. She took a step toward me and crawled up the end of my bed. Fuck, she just caught me jacking off and dirty talking about her. My brain wouldn't engage and I couldn't speak. I opened my mouth to speak just at the same time she leaned down and wrapped her tiny hand around my shaft, bent down and engulfed my cock in her hot little mouth.

"FUUUUCK Bella!" Before I could stop myself, I thrust my hips into her mouth and she moaned. God this felt amazing. Shit. I couldn't let her do this. We needed to talk, but son of a bitch did it feel fantastic to have my dick in her mouth, never mind how it LOOKED. Before I jizzed in her mouth, I had to stop her.

"Sweetheart, wait. I….fuck….shit….I need to talk to you. Mmmm….fuck."

"Oh my God. I'm sorry. I just assumed….fuck. I have ASSUMED way too much." She pulled away, my dick bobbing up and down, slapping me on the stomach. Quickly I sat up and yanked my shorts back up. She was headed out of my bedroom door by the time I got to her.

"Bella please, wait. Let me explain. Please baby."

"Edward, no. I'm so sorry. I just barged in here; I didn't knock. I didn't mean to…" In two long strides I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her roughly to me while I claimed her mouth. She relaxed into me immediately as I deepened the kiss. Our tongues caressed each other as her hands fisted in my hair. I hoisted her up until she wrapped her legs around my waist as I walked her to the wall and pushed her against it a tad bit harder than I intended to. My body pinned her securely and my hands found their way under her tank top as I rubbed up and down her sides. The only sounds in the room were our moans and panting. Fuck, I needed to stop so we could talk, but my cock was pressed right against her wet, hot pussy. I could smell her arousal and it was almost my undoing. Reluctantly, I pulled away from her mouth and placed several small kisses along her jaw.

"Bella, Sweetheart, fuck you taste amazing. We need to stop for a minute so we can talk. I think there have been some misconceptions here and I want to clear those up." I backed away from her, the tent in my shorts very visible as I sat her back on her feet. Offering her my hand, I led her to my sofa.

"Wow. Edward, I don't even know what to say. When I came in and I saw…..well, let's just say I have never in my life been so turned on. I shouldn't have attacked your….um…you know, like I did, but it was like some sort of magnet in the room. I had to be with you."

"Listen, don't feel bad about anything. If anything, I should be mortified." I ran my hands through my hair, no doubt leaving it standing on end. Bella smiled and caressed my cheek.

"Look, how about we forget that ever happened and start over?"

"Um, no. I can't forget what that felt like, nor do I want to. Bella, I have been so attracted to you since I moved in here. I didn't think you had any feelings for me other than friendly ones. You never acted like you wanted to be anything more. I figured if all I could have was friendship then I would take it." I shrugged.

"I have a terrible confession to make Edward. Oh my God, you are going to hate me." Her head dropped into her hands and she sighed. I reached over and pried her hands away as I brought them and her closer to me.

"Tell me Beautiful." I kissed her knuckles.

"Ugh. Ithoughtyouweregay." She said it so fast I nearly missed it. She thought I was gay. ME? GAY? I had absolutely nothing against anyone that was, in fact, gay. I supported them, but ME? GAY?

"Bella, honey why would you think that?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Really Cluelessward? You don't know?"

"I'm sorry baby. Am I missing something?"

"Edward. You are driving a pink convertible beetle. You walk a dog that is dressed in frilly little outfits with a hot pink leash and you talk baby talk to her. Her name is Cupcake. You were gardening one day wearing pink flowery gloves and a hat with a large hot pink flower on the side. Emmett ass bumped you and you guys went immediately inside and weren't seen again for hours. Do you see how I might think this?" _Well fuck, when she put it like THAT._

"Fuck. That does sound a bit, well, gay." Jeez, am I that clueless?

"And then when we were dancing at the club, I felt your, well, it was hard and when I looked over at Jasper he was running his hand up and down the neck of his guitar and even I thought that was a bit hot so I assumed…." She trailed off and the most beautiful blush covered her face. I couldn't help it. Leaning over I whispered in her ear.

"Bella, my cock was rock hard because of your fuck hot body being pressed against me." I felt her shudder as I saw the goose flesh appear. I figured since I was on a roll, I'd let it all hang out. "Do you know how many times I have jacked off to images of you? You're like fucking heroine. I can't get enough." She was panting and her brown eyes were nearly completely black. "Then you parade around here in those fucking tiny as hell nipplekinis. You and your pink nipple have haunted my dreams nightly." Without another word, she reached down and pulled her tank top off, leaving her sitting in THE NIPPLEKINI I was referring to. The white one.

"Edward, I'm usually not this bold, but fuck. I want to fuck you so hard right now. Can I?" She was reaching around her neck to the tie on her swimsuit. I slowly grabbed her hands and stilled them. Wordlessly, I stood up, scooped Bella into my arms bridal style, and walked us into my bedroom. Luckily, Cupcake was asleep in her kennel so I hoped she would stay that way. If she needed to pee she'd just have to wait. I was getting laid.

When we arrived in my room, I shut the door with my foot and gently laid Bella down on the bed. I wanted to take a moment to admire this beautiful woman that had haunted my dreams and been in my head for the last several weeks. God she was beautiful. She was sprawled out in the middle of my bed, the dark blue of the satin comforter in deep contrast to her sun kissed skin and the white swimsuit she wore. Her dark locks fanned out around her head and down her shoulders and she looked like a fucking angel.

"Are you just going to stand there Edward? Come here." She held out her hand to me as I lowered myself to the bed beside her and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Bella you're just so damn gorgeous. I can't believe I finally get to have you here in my bed. Look baby, I don't expect anything from you. I would love you to be my girlfriend and I'll shout it from the rooftops if you say yes."

"I want this Edward. I want you. I want you with your pink car, your frou frou dog, and especially those pink gardening gloves." She wiggled her eyebrows and giggled.

"For the record Ms. Swan, none of that shit is mine. I'm most assuredly not gay. Here. Let me show how UN-gay I am." I grabbed her hand and placed it around my steel cock. Her gripped tightened immediately.

"Fuck Edward, is that because of me?" _Is she serious right now?_

"Sweetness that has been for you since the first day I saw you. I'm usually so awkward around girls. I'm not much more than a computer geek who plays video games all day and gets paid for it. But with you, I feel so manly. Yeah, I know…that's why you thought I was gay…because I was so manly huh?" I chuckled.

"I should never have assumed all the things I did." She looked sheepish for a moment.

"It's ok baby. Now, there is one more thing we need to talk about before this goes further. Birth control. How do you feel about it?" I figured we might as well get this conversation over with.

"I'm on the shot Edward. I've only been with one other man and we always used condoms. I've never had unprotected sex. I just had my shot last week and got tested at the same time. I'm clean."

"I'm clean too. I haven't been with anyone in over a year and have only ever been with one other person. I'll wear a condom if you want me to, but I'll be honest, I hate them. It's up to you Sweet Bella." I leaned down and kissed her cheek, down her jawline, and ended up with my face between her luscious tits.

"I just want to feel you Edward. Just you. No barriers. I'm covered for us."

"Thank fuck. Let's get this evil nipplekini off."

"Nipplekini? Is that something you made up?"

"Yes…because this bastard has caused my carpal tunnel syndrome to flare up more times that I care to admit. I may burn the son of a bitch. You should skinny dip anyway. But only if it's dark and I'm the only one around. These babies are for my eyes only." I leaned down and FINALLY captured that tortuous nipple in my mouth. I sucked hard on that little bastard trying to punish it for causing me to have a chafed cock. Bella moaned loudly.

"God damn Edward. Fuck that feels good."

"I have to exact revenge on this damn thing. Night after night, day after day, it's all I've thought about. When it peeked out at me that day, it was all I could do to not drag you by the hair into my cave and fuck you until you couldn't walk. I came in here and went directly to the shower and jacked off twice. You tortured me Bella and you didn't even know it." I ran my hands down her sides and found the strings on her bottoms. Those were quickly discarded and I stopped my nipple assault long enough to look down at her sex. Bare. Just like I knew it would be. It was glistening with her arousal and I couldn't fight it anymore. I slid down her body and buried my face in her wet heat. Fuck she smelled like heaven and tasted like honey.

"Oh God Edward. Shit. That feels amazing." Her hips began to buck up off the bed trying to get my tongue to go deeper inside her. I threw my arm over her to keep her grounded as I gave her what she was looking for. I could lick her pussy for the rest of my life. It was that damn good.

"Torture. My life has been pure torture." I inserted two fingers into her dripping slit as I continued to suck her clit into my mouth. "You should be punished Bella. It's not nice to tease me like that. In fact I think I'll punish you for the torture. For every time I had to jack off, you get an orgasm." I stepped up my ministrations and soon I felt her walls clenching.

"Fuck…Edward….somehow I don't consider that punishment. But I'll take it….MMM….shit!" She continued to squeeze me and I licked her harder all the way through her climax. Once her breathing returned to normal I slid up her body and kissed her deeply.

"Are you ready Sweetheart? Can I make love to you?" She nodded and without another thought, I lined myself up and slid ever so slowly inside her. Fuck. She was tight and I nearly came on contact. "Shit. Dammit you feel good Bella. I need just a second. Please."

"Take your time Edward. I'm not going anywhere." She lovingly stroked up and down my arms while I collected myself. I couldn't believe that finally, FINALLY, I was inside this beautiful woman. Ever so slowly I began to move my hips until I found a gentle rhythm that she seemed to like. I put a swivel in my hips after each thrust and I could actually feel Bella get wetter.

"You like that baby? You like how I make love to you? I've waited too damn long for this Bella. So fucking long." I leaned down and captured her lips with my own.

"So good Edward. Harder. I need it harder." She wrapped her legs around my waist. She wanted it harder huh? I could do harder. Sitting up on my knees, I tossed her legs over my shoulders, grabbed her by the hips, and began to pound into her.

"Harder Bella? You want harder? This pussy is mine Bella. Do you fucking here me?" I felt the tightening in my balls. It came on so fast that I was having a hard time holding myself back. Fuck. I needed Bella to come and I needed her to do it now. "Baby, I need you to come for me. I don't think…." And just like that, I embarrassed the shit out of myself when I came hard after only about five minutes. Fuck my life.

"Oh God Bella, I'm so sorry. Fuck. I can't believe I did that." I laid my head on her shoulder feeling like I was actually going to cry.

"Edward it's fine. Really." She ran her fingers through my damp hair.

"No, it's not. I wanted our first time to last longer than that. You didn't even…..you know. Did you?"

"Well, no, not during but before I did. It's ok Edward." At the same time I went to move off of her, she moved slightly sideways and my hand smashed her nipple into the bed.

"Ouch! Shit that hurts!" She grasped her poor tit as I saw tears spring to her eyes.

"Fuck Bella! God dammit I'm sorry. Are you ok?" I tried to grab her face in my hands but my stupid eyesight isn't great without my glasses or contacts so all I succeeded in doing was poking her in the eye.

"Edward! Oh my goodness. Look, I'm just going to go home. I'll see you later ok?"

I couldn't even respond so I just nodded. How had I fucked this up so bad? Surely all the jacking off I had been doing would have given me SOME staying power? And then all I could do was poke her in the eye and squish her nipple? I seriously deserved to eat a shit sandwich. I was totally sure Bella would never speak to me again. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Feeling like total and utter shit, I hopped in the shower hoping to wash away the shame of what just happened. Bella was my dream girl and I finally got to make love to her. Too bad I'm such an extreme fuck up.

I dressed and took Cupcake out to use the bathroom. Apparently she could sense my mood and thank God, I didn't even have to baby talk her. She pissed and shit immediately. I couldn't help but glance over at Bella's place. The blinds were drawn and there was no movement. Her car was here so I knew she hadn't gone anywhere. Should I go over and talk to her? No, she clearly didn't want me around. But fuck, I felt like I needed to make it up to her. Pulling out my phone, I called the local flower shop and ordered Bella some flowers. That's good right?

Two fucking weeks had gone by since I made love to Bella. Two weeks of hearing absolutely nothing from her. Two weeks of not seeing her at all. Fuck my life again. I resigned myself to the idea that Bella and I were just going to be friends, if that. I needed to move on. So in that spirit, when a girl named Leah that worked in my department asked me to go out to dinner with her, I said yes.

Saturday night arrived and it was time for my date with Leah. I showered and dressed, grabbed the keys to my new SUV, my wallet and headed out to meet her at The Steak Shack. As I started the Volvo I glanced up and saw Bella's blinds close quickly. Hmmm.

Dinner went great and was actually a lot of fun. As we were walking out to our cars, Leah leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"Thank you for dinner Edward. It was great. Um, look, I'm not ready for the night to be over yet. Can we grab a movie and head to your place? Would that be ok?" I didn't see the harm in it. We were having fun.

"Sure. I'll make some popcorn and we'll break in my new couch."

"That's exactly what I had in mind." The way she looked at me made me feel weird. Maybe she just really liked popcorn and movies.

We arrived back at my place and I couldn't help but notice that Bella and Rosalie's blinds were wide open. Strange. They were closed most of the time.

I popped in the movie and handed Leah the bowl of popcorn while I kicked off my shoes. I sat in the recliner while she stayed on the couch.

"Edward, this couch is so comfy. Why don't you come sit over here with me?" Before I could answer her there was a knock on my door. When I opened it up, the breath left my body. At my door stood Bella. Oh no, not just simply Bella. Bella wearing that fucking evil white nipplekini and she was holding a coffee cup. I almost passed out when I saw her adjust her top to show me that fucking hard, pink nipple that haunted my every thought.

"Hi Edward. I was making some peanut brittle and I ran out of sugar. Can I borrow a cup? Please? It's so HARD to keep sugar at my place because I bake so much. I always need more Edward." She licked her first two fingers and then dipped them inside her nipplekini top, where she pinched her nipple. The last thread of my control snapped as I grabbed Bella around the waist and crashed my mouth to hers, my tongue immediately claiming her own. She dropped the cup and wrapped her arms and legs around me. Without a second thought, I walked us to my bedroom and slammed the door with my foot. I was going to make love to Bella again, and this time, it was going to last the rest of the night.

**A/N: **snicker** Nope, he's definitely not gay! And yeah, they totally left Leah's ass sitting there alone! Hopefully she left quickly! Ally is up next!**


	4. Chapter 4

***Stephenie Meyer is my hero.***

**A/N: So a lot of you are not impressed with Edward or Bella. I wish I could say something to ease that – but, in my honest opinion, I think y'all are just taking what is supposed to be a funny story a bit too serious! Yes, Edward is clueless, that is the entire point of this story. We may have overdone his cluelessness a bit, but he needed to be that bad for this story to work. I for one LOVE what is happening. **

**Hopefully this chapter will clear up a few things from Bella's side AND make you stop hating on Edward for what he did to Leah.**

Chapter 3

Two weeks; it had been two weeks since I embarrassed myself in front of Edward. Rosalie was pissed off at me, but I couldn't help it. I didn't know how I was going to face him. I mean seriously, he obviously wasn't that into me. If he was, he wouldn't have "gone off" so quickly. I mean, I wasn't very experienced, but the last guy I was with lasted longer than that, and then he cheated on me a week later. So Edward lasting all of 5 minutes just proved that he wanted it over quick. Rose told me that I was insane, that he felt the same for me that I did for him. But I couldn't bring myself to overcome my embarrassment.

Every time I caught a glimpse of him, my heart stuttered. I knew that I would need to talk to him, but after avoiding him for as long as I had, I didn't think he would even talk to me again. I was fucked, and not in a good way.

Exactly two weeks after our evening together, Rosalie barged into my bedroom.

"You need to get your ass out of this room and go claim your man."

I automatically started to shake my head.

"Don't you fucking shake your head at me. Do you know what your man is doing tonight?"

"He isn't my man. I blew that chance." I said glumly.

"Fuck that shit. Bella, Edward is out on a date right now."

I looked up at her, tears immediately filling my eyes. "Wwwwhat?" I didn't think I would lose him all together, and that it would happen that fast.

"Apparently some chick he works with asked him out to dinner and he accepted. Emmett thinks it's just his way of trying to take his mind off of you. Edward thinks that YOU don't like him, so he feels he needs to move on."

"But I love him." I whispered.

"I know that, you know that, hell, even Emmett knows that. But Cluelessward and your stupidity don't. So you need to grow some lady balls and claim your man."

I sucked in a deep breath and nodded my head. It was time to woman up and show Edward that me avoiding him was all on me. My only hope was that he could forgive me.

We didn't know when Edward was going to be home, so we flung open the blinds in the living room and watched over the parking lot while we planned what I was going to say and do when he showed up. Rosalie agreed with me that the best approach was just to be honest with him, to tell him that I was in love with him and that I was embarrassed and upset over everything that had happened. My little speech was tossed when he arrived at home and his date was close behind.

"OH HELL NO!" Rosalie growled as we watched her bat her eyes at him as they walked up to his door.

"What the fuck do I do now?" I asked, almost in tears again.

Rosalie came up with the perfect plan. We both knew that he loved my white bikini, so I put that on and headed over under the guise of needing a cup of sugar. When he opened the door, his eyes went wide. I couldn't help myself; I adjusted my top so that I popped out, just like the first time I talked to him. I gave my little spiel about needing to borrow some sugar and channeled Rosalie when I reached down and tweaked my nipple. Less than a second later I was in his arms and his lips were on mine. I dropped the coffee mug I was holding and barely heard it crash to the floor as I wrapped myself around him. He wrapped his arms around me and carried me to his bedroom, the door slammed and he lowered me to his bed.

He pulled away from my lips and gazed down at me with what looked like adoration filling his eyes.

"Bella, we really need to talk about what happened the last couple of weeks." He said as he brushed my hair away from my face. "But before that, I need to make love to you."

I squeaked out an 'Okay' as he crashed his lips to mine again. He had just gotten my bikini top off, his glasses had been tossed on his nightstand and his face was buried between my boobs when there was a knock on the bedroom door. Edward's head shot up and he turned his face toward the door. He looked back down at me and blinked like he was trying to figure out who was there.

"Uh, Edward? Are we still going to watch that movie?" A girl's voice asked through the door. 

"Shit." Edward grumbled under his breath. "Uh Leah, I'll be out in a second."

My eyes went wide and I tried to move out from underneath him. "Whoa, Bella. Where do you think you're going?"

"Well, you're obviously going to go out there and finish up your date, so I'm just going to get out of your way."

He moved fast and pinned me to the bed with his body. "You're staying right here. I'm just going to go and explain to her what's going on and gently ask her to leave. I completely forgot she was even out there. Your….uh….nipples kinda distracted me. "

I blushed and tried to look away. "Stay, please?" He pleaded.

"Okay." I whispered.

He smiled at me and sat up, put his glasses back on, and stood from the bed. He gave me a searing kiss and went back to the living room.

I scrambled off the bed and opened the door a crack so that I could hear what was going on.

"Ah there you are, Handsome." Leah said as he walked back into the living room. I couldn't see her, but I could tell from her voice that she would be attempting a sugary sweet smile.

"Uh, hey Leah. Sorry about that." He went to say more, but was interrupted.

"Don't worry about it. So the spot beside me is still free and the movie is ready to go. I cued it up while you were busy. Now, c'mon and sit beside me and we can cuddle and watch the movie."

I had to hold back a snicker. The girl was either blind and didn't notice Edward attack another girl and carry her to his bedroom, or she really thought that he was going to finish up the date with a cuddle and a movie. I leaned out of the door a bit to see if I could see them from the bedroom. I could see her sitting on the couch, patting the seat beside her. Edward was standing with his back to me, his hands running through his hair.

"Uh sorry, Leah. But my, umm friend is here and she really needs me."

"Oh, well… I can wait until you're done with her. I'd just really like to watch this movie with you." She said, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"Well, you see, it could take all night. She's very needy right now." I almost snorted out loud to that; needy indeed.

"Well I guess she could join us, but I claim the spot on the couch beside you." She simpered up at him.

Edward let out a sigh and I decided that I needed to intervene. I went over to his closet, pulled out a button down shirt and slipped it on, only doing up one button to cover myself. When I walked out of the bedroom, it almost looked as if Leah was having some sort of fit. She was practically lying on the couch, fluttering her eyelashes up at Edward so fast that it looked like her eyes were going to fly out of their sockets.

Edward had backed away and was standing just a few steps from the bedroom door.

He cleared his throat like he was going to say something, but I wrapped my arms around him from behind and planted a small kiss on his back. I couldn't see Leah, but I did hear her intake of breath when she noticed my arms.

I squeezed him a little and moved to stand in front of him. Leah looked me up and down, her eyes showing nothing but disdain. Oh yeah, she knew exactly what she was trying to do.

"You do realize that your little stunt interrupted my date with Edward, don't you?" She said with a sneer.

I blinked at her a few times and decided to just be honest. "Actually, I do know that, and the only reason I did interrupt was because he should not have been out on that date with you in the first place."

Her mouth dropped open and she looked from me to Edward. "What does that mean? Edward willingly accepted when I asked him out to dinner. I didn't twist his arm."

"What Bella is trying to say is, I should not have accepted. Honestly, I only accepted because I was trying to take my mind off of her. We had a bit of a falling out a couple of weeks ago, and instead of talking to each other, we just ignored the problem. I'm sorry Leah, that wasn't fair to you."

"What do you mean falling out? You've been single since you started working with me! I've been trying to get you to notice me and to get you to ask ME out for the last six months. I just got sick of waiting." She said, her voice rising as she got to the end.

I took a deep breath and looked up at Edward, who was now standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders.

"Sorry, Leah. But I'm Edward's girlfriend. I made a stupid mistake a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't fix it. Instead, I let my amazing boyfriend think that we were over, which is why he accepted your date."

She growled at me; literally growled and then stood up. I was worried that she was going to attack me.

"You mean to tell me that I've been pining away, hoping that you would ask me out for six months and you had a girlfriend?" She yelled. This caused Cupcake to wake up and wander into the room from where ever she had been hiding. She started pacing around, growling at Leah. Leah just looked at her and took a step away from the menacing rat dressed in pink ruffles.

Edward moved so that I was standing behind him. I think he was worried about an attack as well.

"Yes, although I've only known Bella for half that. But I've been in love with her since the moment I saw her." I squeaked a little bit when he said that. He loved me? Even after I ignored and avoided him for two weeks; even though I thought he was gay; he still loved me?

Leah growled again. "I can't believe I wasted my fucking time on you! I thought for sure you would be the one to get me out of that hellhole I call a job. I know about your trust fund; you were going to use that to treat me like a princess!" She stepped forward and moved to slap Edward, but I moved quicker, catching her wrist in my hand.

"Don't you dare lay your hands on him!" I let out a growl myself. Cupcake snarled up at her from beside me.

"Oh and what are you going to do to me if I do?"

"Well honey, lets put it this way. My father is the Chief of Police, and not only would I make sure he made your life a living hell, but you would also have to seek a consult from a plastic surgeon, because your nose would be on the side of your head!" I snarled at her and flung her hand away from me. I grinned when I saw the fear cross her face. Cupcake took that moment to relieve herself…on Leah's shoes.

She didn't say another word, she just picked up her shoes, grabbed her purse and left. As soon as the door clicked closed behind her, I was pinned up against the wall beside the bedroom door.

"Fuck, Bella. You defending me like that was so hot!"

He claimed my lips with his. We stumbled back to his bedroom, shedding our clothing as we went. He slammed the door so that we wouldn't be interrupted by the rat dog and then he laid me out on the bed and looked down at me with reverence.

"Bella, I know you heard what I said out there, and what I said is true. I love you. And I really need to know why you've been avoiding me."

I could feel the tears building. "Oh Edward, I love you too. I fell in love with you when I thought you were gay and that my only hope of being with you was as my friend. I'm so sorry I ignored you the last two weeks. Honestly, it was just my own insecurities and worries. I thought that you got off so quickly that night because you weren't that into me and that you just wanted it over as soon as possible." He went to say something, but I covered his mouth with my fingers. "Let me just finish before you say anything, okay?"

He nodded, so I took a deep breath and told him everything. Why I ignored him, why I was insecure. I even told him about Rosalie trying to kick my ass over my behavior. I ended my story by telling him how sorry I was for everything.

"Bella, I will tell you that you ignoring me did hurt, but I understand and there is nothing to forgive. We're okay and right now, I just really want to make love to my girlfriend. I've never had make up sex before." He said with a smile and then he pounced.

His hands felt like they were everywhere. He gave me a mind blowing orgasm with his fingers and then again with his mouth before he was hovering over me.

"I love you." He whispered as he slowly pushed inside me and then covered my mouth with his. Unfortunately, he didn't last very long again. But this time I knew it was from lack of action and the way I felt wrapped around him that caused it. Afterwards, there was no pain inflicted either. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. We fell asleep wrapped up in each other.

A couple of hours later I woke up in Edward's bed alone. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was just after two in the morning. I pulled on Edward's shirt again and went to look for him. I found him trying to get Cupcake to do her business.

"C'mon you damn dog. Just take a piss already!" He groaned out. I stepped outside and smirked at him.

"Having trouble baby?" I asked. He looked over at me and gave me a grimace.

"A little. I am sick and tired of talking to this damn dog like she's a baby."

A brilliant idea came to mind. "When's Alice due home?"

"She's supposed to be home in the next few days. But that could change."

"That should give us plenty of time." I said with a grin.

"For what?"

"We're going to retrain the little baby Cupcake!"

Over the next week we worked on that damn dog every day. By the end of the week, a day before Alice was due home, we had Cupcake retrained.

"All right Cupcake," I said, letting her out into the yard. "You're going to take a shit right now, cause if you don't, your master is going to take the whip to your ass." She looked up at me, squatted, and did her business! I couldn't wait to meet Alice and see her reaction to her new S&M style doggie!

**A/N: Before we get the haters telling us how mean they were to Leah. WE KNOW. But look at what she was after anyway, I think she deserved what she got! **

**We have to send a special shout out to Leigh and Tiffany from our Facebook Group (Edward and Bella's Place) – they were out for blood! It was their idea to get back at Alice for leaving the dog and all of her PINK crap with Edward. So S&M puppy was born! Thanks Ladies! ******snicker****


	5. Chapter 5

*****STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS TWILIGHT AND I HEART HER FOR THAT*****

**A/N: Well here we are at chapter 5, even though the intention was only to have 4 chapters! Why stop a good thing? Special thanks to Leibeezer for pre-reading this chapter for me! LOL….so let's see how Alice reacts to her new S&M Puppy! **snort****

EPOV

I opened my eyes to a mess of beautiful mahogany hair splayed across my naked chest. The smile that crossed my face was immediate. Bella. Memories of last night assaulted me and I felt my cock stirring under the sheets. Bella and I had spent every night together since we officially became a couple. It physically hurt to be apart from her. Luckily, it was the off season, so Emmett was spending a lot of time with Rosalie at her and Bella's place. This gave all of us the privacy we craved.

Last night I had finally been able to muster up some control over my two pump chump tendencies and made love to Bella for a lot longer than was the norm. I think the fact that I was getting laid multiple times a day helped build up my stamina. I couldn't resist Bella. At. All. I had never been so happy in my life and I knew it was all because of the amazing girl in my arms.

The sound of Cupcake whimpering from her kennel brought me out of my memories. Glancing over at the clock I noticed that it was after ten in the morning. Cupcake probably needed to be taken outside. Carefully, I extracted my arm from under Bella. She stirred slightly but settled back into the pillow and snored softly. Damn, everything she did was cute.

After a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve my own bladder, I unlocked Cupcake's kennel door and she walked out and sat by the front door, waiting for me to put her new Harley Davidson leash on her studded black motorcycle collar. We walked out to the grass beside my townhouse and she stopped to look up at me, waiting for her command.

"Piss you little bitch or the flogger comes out." I almost cracked up when she squatted and took a piss. God, Alice was going to kill me but fuck if I cared. She deserved this shit.

Cupcake finished her business and we went back inside to find Bella walking out of my bedroom wearing my shirt from last night. I couldn't help myself when I walked over, pinned her against the wall and assaulted her mouth.

"Goddamn baby you look good in my clothes. Good morning." I kissed down the column of her neck.

"Mmm good morning Edward. You look good OUT of your clothes." The little minx cupped my junk. As much as I hated to, I needed to stop her. We had a lot of things to get done today. Today, Alice was coming home and was coming to collect her stuff.

"Hey Sweetheart, while I love that you are making me hard as a rock…again…..we need to stop. We need to get all Cupcake's things together and get Alice's shit ready to load up and out of here."

"Ok, but I just can't seem to keep my hands off your dick. I think I need help for my addiction." She let out a very loud snort. "I have an addiction to your dick. An ADICK-SHUN." I rolled my eyes at her joke. This earned me a swift pat on the ass.

A couple hours later Bella, Rosalie, Emmett and I were on my back patio grilling some steaks and burgers when I heard my mother's voice. My parents had stopped at the store to pick up some beer and drinks for Alice's welcome home party. We decided to have it at my place so everyone could help her collect her crap afterwards. Jasper had finally made it back from his trip home to Texas to visit with his family and was excited to meet my family.

"Hello kids! How is everyone?" My mother asked while handing me a bowl full of her legendary potato salad.

"Fine as frog hair Maw. How YOU doin'?" Emmett bellowed from the grill. My mother walked up to him and tugged him by the ear down to her level to give him a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I couldn't help but notice she was holding a small black gift bag.

"Mom, what's in the bag?" I asked as my Dad chuckled while he opened up a bottle of beer and took a swig.

"Oh, I just bought a new outfit for my grandbaby dog. Where is Cupcake?"

"She's in her kennel. I'll go get her." Bella offered as she walked beside me and slapped me on the ass. I shook my head and turned back to the grill.

Several moments later, my mother and Bella emerged with Cupcake, who was wearing her new outfit that "Nana" bought for her. I spit beer everywhere. Cupcake was wearing a complete, ear to tail black leather Dominatrix outfit, complete with a tiny hat that held a hat band made of small handcuffs. Alice. Was. Going. To. Shit.

"Wow Mom. Um, it really bothers me that you knew where to find something like that." More chuckles from my father complete with a raised and wiggling eyebrow.

"Well, I just have to say that your father and I owe you an apology Edward. We should never have gone along with Alice's silly rules for this poor dog. Alice is spoiled rotten. We all know this. But her dog and her lack of respect for you almost cost you something very wonderful." She stopped and looked over at Bella, who returned the look with a blush and a brilliant smile. "So, I just figured I'd join in on the fun of pissing my youngest child off. Besides, I love how you and Bella have retrained Cupcake." She wrapped me in a big hug and I returned it tenfold.

"And Edward, I owe you an apology as well. I should have never made you drive Alice's car around for so long. I'm sorry son." My father patted me on the back and we did the one armed man hug thing.

"Damn, well, I accept the apologies. Turns out, I got the girl of my dreams anyway, so I'm all good. Just as I turned back to the grill, we heard a door closing from the front of my townhouse. It appeared that Alice was home. Let the fun begin.

APOV

I couldn't wait to get to Edward's place to see my little baby girl Cuppy. I had missed her so much while I was in France. I managed to find her so many adorable, cute doggy outfits and I couldn't wait to try them on her. Now if I could get this damn taxi cab to go faster everything would be fine. Stupid man. Ugh, I missed my new car too. Daddy knew I loved the color pink and when he surprised me with my convertible beetle I squealed like a teenager. I'm spoiled rotten. I know this. Being Carlisle Cullen's only daughter has its rewards.

Finally, after what feelt like an eternity, we pulled up in front of Edward's townhouse. I noticed my beautiful Cotton Candy Pink beetle had a bumper sticker on it. That's strange. I didn't put a bumper sticker on it. Ugh, those are so tacky. I made a mental note to properly chastise Edward for doing this to me. Moving closer to it, my mortification multiplied when I got a chance to read it. Oh, he was going to die. My gorgeous beetle appeared to be sporting a sticker that sadd "I LOVE COCK". My brother was going to be very sorry.

I paid the cab driver and collected my bags. Fuck, I took a lot of shit with me to France. You'd think Edward would come out and help me with this. He's not a very good big brother. I knew he was there because I saw what I assumed to be his new SUV. Upon further investigation, I noticed my father's Mercedes and Emmett's bright yellow hummer. Hmmm. They were all there, yet not a soul had come out to help me with my bags. Frustrated and more than a little pissed off, I managed to unload all my shit to the sidewalk. I was starting to sweat a bit which really pissed me off. Alice Cullen does not do manual labor. Ever. Deciding to go inside and give them a piece of my mind, I made to stand up and do just that when the heel of my Jimmy Choo's got stuck in one of the straps of my carryon bag and I started to tumble to the ground. I braced myself for what was certainly going to be a hard fall, but it never happened. I found myself engulfed in two strong arms.

"Whoa there little lady. Are you ok Darlin'?" I looked up into amazing blue eyes, long, curly blonde hair and the most beautiful smirk I had ever seen. I was losing my shit quickly.

"Oh…um….well….uh….hmmmm." _What the fuck is wrong with me_?

It didn't escape me that he had helped me to stand up and still had his arms wrapped firmly around my middle. I tried desperately to compose myself but found that I couldn't find the words. This gorgeous man had left me completely tongue tied.

"Ttthhhank you…..god damn you are gorgeous. Shit. I mean, fuck." Oh. My. God. I could feel my face flaming but luckily Tall and Dreamy didn't seem to notice.

"Not a problem. I'm glad I was here. That would have been a nasty fall and you are much too beautiful to have a scratch on you." _Was this guy for real?_ I could feel the tingling between my legs as my girlie parts noticed his Southern drawl and began to hum the Battle Hymn of the Republic.

Regretfully, I gently pushed against his chest letting him know he should release me. "Thank you again Mr…." I trailed off hoping he would continue while I stammered to remember my own name.

"Jasper Whitlock ma'am. At your service." _Well hello Jasper Whitlock_.

"Um…I think I'm Alice Cullen." I extended my hand which he immediately grabbed and brought to his mouth for a sweet kiss to my knuckles all the while chuckling at my lack of composure.

"Ah, you must be Edward's sister. Damn, he never mentioned how insanely gorgeous you were."

Finally gathering myself up a bit, I managed to throw some flirty conversation back at him. "Why Mr. Whitlock you are a charmer. Yes, I am his sister, although he's in quite a bit of hot water right now." Seeming to understand, Jasper leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"Alice, would you come back to my place with me for a moment? I believe I need to fill you in on a few things before you go and face the firing squad." I wasn't sure why, but I trusted this guy. So I just shrugged and nodded my head. He smiled widely as we both gathered my things and took them to Jasper's townhouse. This should be interesting indeed.

EPOV

As if we were waiting to see a bloody action movie, everyone made their way into my living room and took seats. I looked outside and didn't see anything but I knew I had heard Alice's voice a bit earlier. Before I could voice that thought, I saw Jasper's door open and saw him walk out with my sister on his arm. They were laughing and talking animatedly. _What the actual fuck?_

When they knocked on the door, the round of giggles that erupted behind me was comical at best. Shaking my head, I opened the door to let them inside.

"Hey Pix! Welcome home." I reached out to hug my baby sister. She arched a brow at me as she returned my hug. Everyone took their turns welcoming her back.

"Where is Mama's little Cuppy Girl? Come on, I missed her so much. Where is she?"

"I'll go get her. She's in Edward's bedroom in her kennel." Bella smirked as she left the room. Seconds later she came back holding a leather clad Cupcake. Alice's screech could probably have been heard throughout the state of Washington.

"Oh my God! Edward! What have you done to my little girl? Why is she wearing this crap? Where are her bows? Oh Cuppy girl! I'm so sorry I left you with stupid 'ol Uncle Edward. Look what he's done to you!" I saw Bella open her mouth to jump to my defense, no doubt, but she was stopped in her tracks by the last person we would have ever imagined. Jasper.

"Ok Darlin' just calm down a minute. Remember what I told you? Your little Cupcake here almost cost Edward someone very important in his life. I mean come on Alice, I know we just met, but even you should have to admit how keeping your things here and taking care of your pink clad dog made Edward look to others. I won't even mention the way you have had her trained. I mean really Darlin'? He had to talk to her like she was a baby? It was more than a little ridiculous Alice. Truly." I couldn't mask my face even if I tried.

"Uh…..well….you see…." Alice stammered as Jasper crossed his arms in front of his chest and floored her with a challenging look.

"Hey Alice, it's actually been a while since we took Cupcake out to potty. Here's her leash. You might want to take her out soon." Bella was playing with fire and she knew it. I found it hilarious that not a single word had been uttered by anyone else in my living room. It's like they were all watching a car accident happening in front of their eyes.

Alice grabbed the leash from Bella and regretfully clipped it to Cupcake's studded Domme collar complete with D ring in the front.

"I seriously don't know why you have this awful outfit and collar on Cuppy. Mommy will get you all changed as soon as you pee pee potty like a good little girl. Let's go Sweetie Girl." As soon as the door closed behind them every member of my family flew to the window to watch Cupcake and Alice out of the front window. Bella cracked open the door so we could hear.

"Come on Honey bunny boo. Go pee pee for Mommy." Cupcake sat down on the grass and looked up at Alice like she had three heads. Alice however was not to be deterred and tried again. "Be a good baby for Mommy and poo poo now." I couldn't help the snort that escaped me.

We let Alice fumble around outside for about five minutes more. I couldn't take it. I had to do it. HAD TO. I made my way outside to where my little sister was running her fingers through her hair and tugging on the ends. Hmmm. Must be a family trait.

"Problem Pix?" I may have smirked. Ok, I definitely smirked.

"Edward, what did you do to Cupcake? Why won't she use the bathroom?"

"Here Alice. Let me try." She handed me the leash and I cleared my throat. Oh my God this was going to be epic. "Alright Pet, get your fucking little ass out there and piss and take a shit. Do it now or I'll flog that furry ass until I get tired." My command was followed by several loud snorts from my open door. Naturally, Cupcake took a couple steps, squatted and pissed. She then took another couple steps, squatted again and shit a turd the size of Cleveland. Satisfied, I handed the leash back to Alice. "There you go Pix. Happy to help."

"What the fuck Edward? Why did you talk to her like that?" By now everyone had come out to the front lawn to witness the fireworks.

"Alice, do you even care what having your stuff here and taking care of your dog could have cost me? Let me fucking enlighten you. Do you see that gorgeous brunette right there? That's Bella. My girlfriend. Alice, because of your fucking PINK car, your frou frou dog, and a whole fuckload of awkward assumptions, Bella thought I was gay. GAY Alice. Thankfully we managed to figure shit out and work through those wrong assumptions and found our way to be together. So, as a thank you for almost fucking up my world because you are a spoiled rotten little brat, Bella and I retrained your precious Cuppy. She likes to be spanked and flogged now and prefers to be called Harley."

Alice opened her mouth to say something but was stopped by Jasper pulling her into his arms. "Relax Darlin'. Surely you can see the hilarity here right?"

"Well….um…no…but I mean…." I had never heard Alice stutter so much. Who would have thought that Jasper Whitlock would be the key to silencing my never to be silenced sister?

"Come on Alice. Let me take you out on the town and welcome you back properly. What do you say?"

"Um ok Jasper. Sure." She turned to me looking rather sheepish. "Look Edward, I never realized how selfish I have been. I'm sorry. Thank you for taking care of Cup….er…um…Harley and for watching my stuff for me. I owe you one."

"Welcome home Pix." I hugged her just before Jasper winked at me and carted her off to his townhouse. I stood there stunned watching the two of them along with Harley-Cupcake walking away and blew out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

"Well that went better than expected. Come on Edward. We have loads of food and a house full of people. It looks like this welcome home party just turned into something else since Jasper took off with the guest of honor." Bella smiled up at me as I wrapped her in my arms.

"What do you say as soon as we get all of Alice's crap out of here, you and I christen my spare bedroom?" I began to place soft kisses along her jawline.

"I say we bag up all the food and send these people on their way now. Right now."

**A/N: I have to admit that I giggled when Edward took the leash from Alice and gave the command. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Not much left to cover in this one. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

*****STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS TWILIGHT AND EDWARD…..AND I THANK HER FOR HIM*****

**A/N: So here we are with the last chapter of AA. Normally this would be Ally's chapter, however she has been having some nasty RL issues so I'm going to wrap this one up for us. Thank you to everyone who has been with us for this one and we hope you have enjoyed it! As of right now we haven't planned an Epilogue but never say never. So that being said, on with our story!**

_THREE MONTHS LATER_

EPOV

"Thank you Riley. I really appreciate it."

"No problem Edward. Good luck. I hope she says yes." Yeah, he wasn't the only one.

Riley Biers was one of my best friends and his family happened to own the finest jewelry store in all of Seattle. I had known all of them since I was a small child and when I decided to ask Bella to marry me, there was no question where I would go to purchase her ring. _Biers Fine Jewelry _was the only choice. Today I was picking up the rings I had already purchased but had to have sized and engraved.

I'd spent the better part of the last several months wanting to ask Bella to marry me. The fact that I was an extreme chicken shit played a big part in the reality of the situation. I loved Bella. Bella loved me. We had talked about marriage, but every time we did I seriously broke out in hives. I was determined that I would ask her tonight. We were having dinner at a new restaurant that had just opened up downtown and afterwards I was going to pop the question. Hopefully. That is, if I didn't throw up all over her first.

BPOV

I was trying to get some work done and it just wasn't happening. Something was up with Edward and I was extremely scared of what that something might be. He had been acting really strange lately. Let me rephrase that; Edward was always slightly strange. I mean, I loved him with all my heart, but the man had some quirks that would make anyone crazy. I had moved into his townhouse last month when Rosalie wanted to go on the road with Emmett. I couldn't afford the rent by myself so Edward suggested I give up my place and move in. It worked out perfectly.

We all knew Edward was a clean freak, but when I moved in with him, I noticed he had some OCD tendencies as well. Case in point, our pantry. Everything had a neat little label and all the cans had to be facing the same way. There had to be four cans of each item. If he noticed we had only two cans of something, he went a bit crazy until he bought two more cans. I loved the man but shit, sometimes I wanted to purposely mess up the pantry just to watch him stroke the fuck out. Anyway, I'm getting off topic now. I was trying to work but I couldn't help but worry. Over the last couple of weeks, Edward had become really awkward around me. He was jumpy and a bit snippy at times. I had a bad feeling. Somehow, I felt like Edward was trying to find a way to break up with me.

The more I thought about it, the less work I got done. Finally deciding to say fuck it, I stood up and stretched, looking at the picture of Edward and I that was on the mantle. We had taken it last month out by the pool. Just after I snapped the photo with my phone, I jumped in for a swim and Edward went back inside to get us some drinks. I had just climbed out and was attempting to wrap a towel around me so I could dry off a bit when Edward walked up to me, his hair sticking up in every direction. His eyes were wild and he looked completely unhinged.

_FLASHBACK_

_ "Edward what's wrong? Are you ok?" I walked over and ran my hands down his biceps, delighting in the fact that they flexed when I touched them._

_ "Bella, I wanted to….that is….I mean….I need to….fuck." I smirked._

_ "Ok. You need to fuck? I'm down with that. Come on." I tried to pull him toward the townhouse but he wouldn't move._

_ "Shit, that's not what I meant." He pulled me back to him roughly and my body smacked against his naked chest. I moaned like the whore he makes me into. I couldn't help but notice that Edward's eyes were focused on the top of my hot pink "nipplekini", as he called it. Yeah. He was distracted. I could work with this._

_ "What are you thinking Edward?"_

_ "Bella, the only thing I can think of when you wear these….these…..THINGS….is that I want to bury myself deep inside you. Repeatedly." I pulled him closer to me and I felt something in his pocket. I snorted thinking how I wondered if he was just happy to see me or if he really had something in there. Very carefully, I started to reach down to investigate things further but Edward grabbed my hand, kissed me quickly and ran off like his ass hair was on fire. Shit. What was all that about?_

_END FLASHBACK_

Trying to push the thoughts of not having Edward in my life, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Edward was off somewhere doing whatever it was Edward did when he "ran errands". I had spoken to him before he left and he was very evasive with me. Shit. That just opened up an entire other train of thought. Was Edward cheating on me? Fuck. My. Life. This swift realization made what I had to tell Edward even more terrifying. We never meant for it to happen. Now, with these thoughts swirling around in my mind, how do I tell Edward he's going to be a father? If he already wants to break up with me or God forbid is cheating on me, he won't want to be tied down to me for the rest of his life with a baby. Again I say, fuck my life.

EPOV

My nerves were getting to me as I prepared myself for how epic tonight could end up. I had just gotten a haircut and picked up my Gucci suit from the cleaners when I got back into my SUV, I just sat in the parking lot trying to collect my thoughts. Sighing, I pulled out Bella's rings and stared at them. I chuckled at the thoughts going through my head. From the first moment I met Bella, the color pink had everything to do with us. From Alice's stupid car to her spoiled rotten dog, pink always seemed to be present. After everything that happened I had a bad taste in my mouth over that fucking color. However, when I saw this wedding set I knew it had to be Bella's. The engagement ring was a diamond solitaire with regular diamonds as well as pale pink diamonds all along the ring and the wedding band was made up of regular diamonds and pink diamonds. I hoped it would let Bella know that despite how things started out, we were in a good place and pink wasn't a bad thing anymore. Lame, I know, but fuck if I didn't turn into a total pussy where my girl was concerned.

When I arrived back at the townhouse I was about to slip my key into the lock when the front door flew open and there stood Bella wearing IT. She was wearing the one thing that made me into a big pile of computer nerd goo…that fucking white nipplekini also known as Edward's Kryptonite.

"Hi baby. I'm glad you're home. Here, let me take your suit." She grabbed the garment bag from me and strolled to the bedroom with it leaving me gaping at her marvelous ass and drooling a bit. I managed to walk over to the bar where I placed my keys, wallet, and cell phone down and made to head to the bedroom. Before I made it very far Bella was back in front of me. Naked.

"B…Bel….Bellaaaaa" I was cut off mid-sentence by her tongue invading my mouth and her hand cupping my junk. She kissed me with an urgency that I barely recognized as her hands moved deftly over the buttons of my jeans. Her hands were everywhere at once and I could feel desperation coming off her in waves. Something was wrong. Quickly gathering my thoughts, I stilled her hands and pulled away from her. This did not make her happy.

"Edward? Why did you stop? What's wrong?"

"Nothing Sweetheart. God, nothing at all. Bella, is something bothering you?" I brought her hands to my lips and placed gentle kisses on each of her knuckles.

"Why would you say that? I just wanted to make love to my boyfriend. I missed you Edward. Is that ok?" I didn't miss the snarky tone of her declaration.

"You just seem so, I don't know, urgent? Talk to me Bella." I watched as her face dropped and tears filled her eyes. Fuck. What had I done now?

"I'm afraid Edward. I need to tell you something and I know you are going to leave me. You've been so weird lately and I'm worried that you are trying to find a way to break up with me and then today I really thought about it and fuck, I hope it's not true, but I thought maybe you were cheating on me and I don't know what I would do if you were and it just makes everything I need to tell you that much harder. I'm sorry Edward, I know we didn't mean for this to happen but I guess my Depo shot failed or you have super nerd sperm or something like a damn miracle but now I'm pregnant and you are going to be a Daddy and you want to break things off with me but now you're stuck with me and a baby." _Excuse me?_

I felt my eyes widen at her declarations. She thought I was breaking up with her? Cheating on her? And did she REALLY say what I think she said? I was going to be a father? I felt my skin starting to itch and I had to quickly anchor myself to the earth. A baby? Bella was pregnant? Without meaning to, I realized that I had stepped away from Bella and moved to the sofa. I felt the cushion dip beside me and looked up to see her very worried, red, tear-filled eyes. That would not do. I opened my arms to her and she came willingly, snuggling close into my side.

"Bella, sweetheart, I love you with all my heart. Never in a million years would I even entertain the thought of cheating on you or leaving you. You are so much a part of my life. I can't breathe without you." Pulling my t-shirt over my head, I gently placed it over her head and down her chest so she wasn't sitting there beside me nude anymore. This was happening right now and I wanted to be able to concentrate. I brought my hands to rest on her flat stomach and stared in awe. Bella and I had created life. She started to speak but I placed two fingers over her lips to let her know I wasn't finished.

"Sweetheart, I don't even know where to begin. A baby? You're pregnant?"

"Yes Edward and I'm so sorry….."

"No, stop right there. Do not be sorry. This is….Christ Bella, this is amazing to me. You and me, we created a beautiful miracle. We're going to have a baby. Why would you think I wouldn't be happy about this?"

"I just know the timing isn't right. You've been acting so strange lately Edward. I feel so emotional and I know I have a tendency to assume things and my insecurities get the best of me. Why have you been acting so weird?"

Blowing out a breath, I decided to throw caution to the wind and man the fuck up right now. "I know I've been acting like a crazy man and I'm sorry you thought what you did." I stood up and removed the black velvet box from my front pocket. "The truth is I don't want to live one more day without being tied to you in every way." I dropped down to one knee in front of her. "This isn't how I had planned to do this. I was going to take you to _Palisade _for dinner tonight and then maybe out for some dancing. After that I was going to bring you back here and light some candles, get down on one knee and offer you this." I opened the ring box and delighted in the gasp that came from Bella's beautiful mouth. "Isabella Marie Swan, from the first moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to know you. When I managed to get to know you, even with all the awkward assumptions we both made, I knew without a doubt you were the one for me. I want to see your beautiful smile every morning for the rest of my life. I want you to be the mother of my babies, which we've already accomplished by the way" I added with a wink. "But beyond that, Bella, I just want you here, with me, forever. Please tell me you'll marry me?" I removed the engagement ring from the box and held it out in front of her, waiting for her answer.

"Edward, it's beautiful. Yes. Yes baby. I will marry you. I love you so much Edward." She leaned in and kissed me hard. Pulling back, her tear filled eyes looked down at the ring and my shaky hand as I slipped it on her finger.

"I love you Bella. Thank you for being with me. I've been so nervous and I was so worried you would say no." I scooped her up and placed her in my lap while we snuggled and stared at the ring on her finger. She was going to be mine forever. I really liked the sound of that.

_ONE YEAR LATER_

BPOV

"Bells, I think Jace is ready for his bottle or whatever you call it when you do what you are doing." I chuckled at my Dad. He was totally freaked out about me breast feeding.

"Ok Dad, give me just a second and I'll come get him." I wiped my hands off on the dish towel as I glanced out into our backyard. Edward, Emmett, and Jasper, along with Carlisle were outside standing around the grill. Today was our house warming party and the entire Cullen and Swan clans were in attendance.

I took just a moment to think back over the last year of my life. Edward and I were surprised by getting pregnant, that's for sure. We got married a month after he proposed, much to Alice's chagrin. She pouted like a petulant child when we told her we just wanted a simple wedding with no glitz or glamour. The second she began to protest, Jasper simply gave her "the look" and she backed right down. He really had her number and I was damn glad. She was still spoiled rotten but Jasper kept her in line.

Four months ago, utter perfection entered our lives in the form of our baby boy, Jace Thomas Cullen. Jace was a little over eight pounds when he was born and had a mess of bronze hair on his head, so much like his Daddy's, and so far, beautiful hazel eyes. He was truly perfect.

We had been living in our new home for two months. Esme and Carlisle lived a couple blocks down the road, as did Emmett and Rosalie, who by the way, were married last month. Jasper talked Alice into moving in with him at his townhouse and they are engaged. They too have added to their family, although it was something that made Alice horribly mad. HarleyCake, as they now called her, had managed to get herself knocked up by their new neighbor's French Bulldog, Tank. They were now the proud grandparents to four French Pin puppies. Ugliest little bastards I had ever seen.

"Come here little man. Mama knows what you want." I took Jace from my Dad and headed upstairs to feed him while Charlie hoofed it outside with the men. Once I got settled with my baby boy I leaned my head back in the rocking chair and watched two birds flying around outside the window. These moments with Jace were my favorite. He loved to wrap his little fingers around mine while he nursed. He looked so much like Edward. Edward. The man had single handedly turned my world upside down and inside out. I laughed out loud, startling Jace a bit as I thought back to the time when I thought Edward was gay. Boy had I been mistaken. I loved everything about Edward. I loved how much of a geek and a nerd he was to the outside world and I loved how he turned into a dominating lover in the bedroom. Well, once we got past his two pump chump tendencies that is. I couldn't help smiling.

"Isn't that the most beautiful sight in the world? My gorgeous wife nourishing our beautiful, handsome son in our new home. Ahhh, life just doesn't get any better." Edward smiled as he made his way over to my side. Kneeling beside the chair, he stroked the tuft of hair that consistently stood straight up on top of Jace's head. "I love you Bella."

"I love you too Edward, so very much. Thank you for making me so happy."

"Are you happy Bella? I mean, truly happy? I have to tell you, I never imagined my life would be so, I don't know, perfect? Sometimes I feel as if I need to pinch myself. I feel like you are going to disappear. I mean, I'm just a video game nerd who somehow managed to get the girl. How awesome is that?" He nuzzled my neck and placed a gentle kiss below my ear.

"Yes baby, I am so happy. Deliriously so. I can't imagine being without you."

"Well lucky for you, you don't have to imagine it. I'm never going anywhere Bella. You and Jace are my life." Sighing, he stood to his full height. "I better get back down there. I just came inside to get another beer and didn't see you so I came to find you." He leaned down to kiss Jace on the head. "I love you little man. Get all of Mama's good booby milk." I giggled as I watched him leave the room.

He was awkward, geeky, and had a bad case of OCD, but he was all mine despite all my awkward assumptions. I thanked God for that on a daily basis.

**A/N: And with that, we click complete! Thank you to everyone who followed and favorited this one. Head over to Facebook and join our group, Edward and Bella's Place. It is for 18 and over only so make sure that's you! Big hugs to Ally…..I miss you girl! XOXO**


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